Phone tag.
When I go out drinking, I inevitably end up with a whole bunch of phone numbers in my phone, and no recollection of who these people actually are. Sometimes when I get phone numbers I have a moment of clarity as I enter the name, and add details to help me remember who that person is. A couple of examples are "Kel..wantsarmink", "Jess..hugetitsbutstupid". You get the idea.
So I met this girl on Saturday night, and I want to hook up with her, but I can't for the life of me remember her name. I distinctly remember getting her number, she gave it to me while her friends were dragging her away, classic cockblock style. She's a cool girl too, and probably a 7.5, though she'd go straight to a high 8.5 if she got fake boobs. But fucked if I can remember her name, dammit. Going through my phone doesn't help at all, there's waaaay too many numbers in there to sort through. So I decided to conduct an experiment this morning.
Sending "Hey, who's this?" is too boring and seems a little rude (for some reason, I was actually concerned aboot sounding rude, hahaha. Shut up, I was still half asleep), so I decided to send something a little more interesting. The other night I was browsing online and came across a parody of a "Racial Equality In The Workplace" pamphlet. In it, there is a large black man in a meeting, and the speech bubble above him reads, "OOGA BOOGA WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT".
Now to me, that is the absolute height of comedy. Seriously, I challenge anybody to come up with a funnier phrase. I was in hysterics when I first read it, and I can't stop saying it now. So I decided to send that brilliant phrase to all the names I didn't recognize in my phone to try and provoke interesting responses, and also to see if it provided any clues as to who they are.
I sent around 30-35 text messages, and within an hour I had recieved quite a few replies. I have no idea who these people actually are. Here are the replies, just as they appear on my phone, for your viewing pleasure. Responses to "OOGA BOOGA WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT":
Trish..shorty: Lol whose this
Stuart: U crazy cunt wats doin
Frances..bigtitp: Brendan!U never msged me u bastard lets hang out
Daniele..blonde: Hey babe wotcha upto
Emma: I dunno im surrounded by niggers
Jayme tattoo: Not here man, wanna see my bike videos?
Danielle..ttsmchee: Lollol miss u x
Emily..blueeyes: Haha ur so funny. Stl wanna hook up? xox
Rnbeyo: Dunno man but be sure to let me know when you find out
Fiona2: Lol u know im asian x
Kristyblonde: Hey when u coming bak 2 adel???xoxoxox
And the best response so far? It came from a number I didn't even have in my phone:
6140524xxxx: Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend
Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I have no idea who this is or who it's referring to. Awesome.
BTW. I didn't have diarrhea, my home internet is dead at the moment. Posting from work. Classy.
So I met this girl on Saturday night, and I want to hook up with her, but I can't for the life of me remember her name. I distinctly remember getting her number, she gave it to me while her friends were dragging her away, classic cockblock style. She's a cool girl too, and probably a 7.5, though she'd go straight to a high 8.5 if she got fake boobs. But fucked if I can remember her name, dammit. Going through my phone doesn't help at all, there's waaaay too many numbers in there to sort through. So I decided to conduct an experiment this morning.
Sending "Hey, who's this?" is too boring and seems a little rude (for some reason, I was actually concerned aboot sounding rude, hahaha. Shut up, I was still half asleep), so I decided to send something a little more interesting. The other night I was browsing online and came across a parody of a "Racial Equality In The Workplace" pamphlet. In it, there is a large black man in a meeting, and the speech bubble above him reads, "OOGA BOOGA WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT".
Now to me, that is the absolute height of comedy. Seriously, I challenge anybody to come up with a funnier phrase. I was in hysterics when I first read it, and I can't stop saying it now. So I decided to send that brilliant phrase to all the names I didn't recognize in my phone to try and provoke interesting responses, and also to see if it provided any clues as to who they are.
I sent around 30-35 text messages, and within an hour I had recieved quite a few replies. I have no idea who these people actually are. Here are the replies, just as they appear on my phone, for your viewing pleasure. Responses to "OOGA BOOGA WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT":
Trish..shorty: Lol whose this
Stuart: U crazy cunt wats doin
Frances..bigtitp: Brendan!U never msged me u bastard lets hang out
Daniele..blonde: Hey babe wotcha upto
Emma: I dunno im surrounded by niggers
Jayme tattoo: Not here man, wanna see my bike videos?
Danielle..ttsmchee: Lollol miss u x
Emily..blueeyes: Haha ur so funny. Stl wanna hook up? xox
Rnbeyo: Dunno man but be sure to let me know when you find out
Fiona2: Lol u know im asian x
Kristyblonde: Hey when u coming bak 2 adel???xoxoxox
And the best response so far? It came from a number I didn't even have in my phone:
6140524xxxx: Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend
Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I have no idea who this is or who it's referring to. Awesome.
BTW. I didn't have diarrhea, my home internet is dead at the moment. Posting from work. Classy.
*ahem*
To the women it may concern,
I feel it necessary to apologise for the copious amounts of "let's fuck" messages I sent on Saturday night. See, I drank a bottle of scotch (well, I don't remember drinking the END of it) and got belted in the balls by a pool ball. "Adrian's balls, corner pocket" was hilarious at the time, I swear.
Please forgive me, and come kiss my balls better. There's a shiny dollar in it for ya.
Love
Adrian
ZCars
Ponderous
You are too funny mate!
Charles.
In response to adrians post....
honestly 'come kiss my balls better?'
It's not offensive.. its embarrassing for you that you wrote that
In the 90-odd posts/stories I've left here over the last eight months, I've written a lot more soul-bearing and (what you call) "embarrassing" shit than "come kiss my balls better".
So if you're going to call me out (poorly, from an anonymous user-name on the Interweb, nice work hero) then do a bit of fucking research first and come at me with something better than "ZOMG how embarassign!!!"!"!1!"
Ahh, the Internet. The only place in the world where everyone is better than everyone else.
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